Musings

12 July 2008 Sometimes I don’t want to see people.  I hide in my house to avoid them. Like right now. I need to go to the laundry room and move clothes from the washer to the dryer.  But a new neighbor is moving in across the hall.  And her door is open.  And she’s right there.  If I leave my apartment to make the trek to the laundry room, I will or I may, see her.  And right now, I don’t want to see people.  I don’t want to say hi.  I don’t want to have to be friendly and nice.  I just want to be alone.  In retreat.  In my own little world.  This thought of having to make pleasantries with my neighbor has me trapped in my apartment.  I stand at the front door, staring out the peephole, waiting for her to close her door.  If she would just close her door, then I could leave.  I could move my clothes from the washer to the dryer.  But the door is open.  And I remain trapped, looking out a peephole the size of my pinky. Later Okay, so now I’m just out of control.  The neighbor final

As I continue in my job search for the next big thing that I will do, I struggle with the self-promotion factor.  So much of my spiritual life is centered around that endless struggle for self-awareness.  I read numerous books on the subject ( A New Earth, Way of the Peaceful Warrior, Codependent No More, etc), make attempts through prayer and meditation to let go of the idea that I have control over anything...and yet...the job search tells me to do the opposite. Shamelessly sell yourself to others.  Talk up your skills and abilities.  Fearlessly share your fabulousness.  Devote time to your job search as if it was your full-time career....b/c it's up to you!  You control your destiny! It's all enough to make a person crazy.  How to stay grounded while being boastful?  How to not feel inadequate while swimming in a sea filled with other job seekers?  How to accept the complications of life while wishing for simplicity and the time to focus on things that really matter...f